


to have this too.

by borninsideatornado



Series: something on the horizon [1]
Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied Mpreg, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:07:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29297100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borninsideatornado/pseuds/borninsideatornado
Summary: “I have thought about this a long time. I thought it a passing whim.” He smiled, a bit. “That is what I first thought about you, too.”“And now?”“Now, I feel as if. It’s time to stop denying myself the things I want because of the past.”Laurent tells Damen about the Regent. And then he tells him something else.
Relationships: Damen/Laurent (Captive Prince)
Series: something on the horizon [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2151690
Comments: 8
Kudos: 71





	to have this too.

“I’m going to tell you something,” Laurent said, sitting down on the bed. He sat with his elbows on his knees, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. It was something he did when he was anguished, in the rare moments he did not know what to say.

  
Damen sat beside him, his heartbeat picking up. Laurent did not often preface his lectures — if he disagreed with Damen he announced it, if he did not like something, he announced it. If he was angry, it was easy to tell by the stiffness in his body and the sudden lack of emotion in this voice.  
This was none of those things. Damen sat close enough that their thighs touched, and when Laurent did not stiffen or snap at him, he laid a gentle hand on his thigh, squeezing.

  
“Alright,” he said, trying to project calmness. Laurent wasn’t angry, but he seemed uneasy. When he lifted his head and looked at Damen for a long moment, his eyes were far away.

  
“You say... That I talk in circles,” Laurent said, finally. He still wasn’t looking at Damen — now, he turned his chin and looked distinctly towards the wall. “You know I’m trying to work on that,” he said, pausing to qualify, “With you.”

  
He had been. Laurent would always have his famous mouth, and his mind; his way of leading others to the conclusions he wanted them to arrive at. But he had been more straightforward with Damen for a long time now, choosing instead to bare the truth. Damen thought of him saying, I know who you are. Damianos. All that time ago.

  
Damen let a beat pass. “I know,” he said, gentle in a way Laurent would normally scold him for. Normally, Laurent would say he didn’t need it. Today, he said nothing.

  
“I’m going...” Laurent paused, sliding his fingers into Damen’s, where they rested on his thigh. He squeezed, hard. “I’m going to do that now. Talk in circles. I need you to... I can’t say this outright.”

  
Damen thought of all the good and terrible things Laurent had said outright. He didn’t know what it could be that was worse than ‘you killed my brother.’ His stomach was twisting.

  
Sometimes, he thought distantly, he wondered if his people knew that their king, the famed prince killer, undefeated on the field, could just as easily be turned to dust by one man. This man, the one who held his heart; the one who caused him the most fear, only because of how deeply Damen loved him.

  
“Alright,” he said, finally, still gently, like he was trying to soothe a spooked horse. “I understand.” Laurent didn’t relax at that. Probably because he had expected Damen to respond like this, to be patient, at least until he heard whatever secret Laurent had to bear.

  
“It’s about my uncle,” Laurent said, finally. Damen, selfishly, couldn’t help the breath of relief that escaped him. Laurent’s uncle was dead. This was about the past. Laurent was not ill, or injured, or leaving him. “You asked me if. When Auguste died, there was someone to comfort me.”

  
He remembered asking it. Remembered Laurent saying _in a way_. Remembered the Regent saying _he has knelt for me._

  
“I said yes, then,” Laurent said. He swallowed, and Damen watched it ripple through him. “I always... remember when I’ve lied to you.” Laurent had promised that he was going to talk in circles. So he just waited. “There was. Only one person. It was my uncle. But he was not... he did not comfort me.”

  
Damen had known, deep down, that this was the truth. Laurent would have argued it, in front of the Regent, if it were not.

“What else?” Damen said. He knew better than to ask Laurent what happened or what did he do instead? Laurent had prepared to tell him this, and Damen would let him.

  
“He...” Laurent shook his head, and when his eyes met Damen’s, they were tear filled. “The first time we fucked, I was afraid. You remember.”

  
“I remember,” Damen said. It wasn’t the word he would have used. Laurent had been tense, yes. But Damen hadn’t known then that it was fear.

  
“It was because...” Laurent took a deep breath, forcing himself to regain some of his precious composure. It hurt. “It was because when I had done it before, I had not... wanted it.” It was more honest than Damen was prepared for. He had promised to talk in circles.

  
Laurent bit his lip, no longer carefully controlling the signs of anxiety. And then he confirmed Damen’s earlier thought. “What he said at the Kingsmeet was true.” _He has knelt for me._

  
“Laurent,” Damen said softly. He felt sick, like he had then. “I understand you. If you don’t want to... You don’t have to say more.”

  
“Nicaise looked so much like me,” Laurent said. He looked far off again. “I think my uncle was trying to taunt me. Remind me.” He blinked, and the tears from earlier fell. “I was cruel to Aimeric. But it could just as easily been me.”

  
It would never have been Laurent, Damen wanted to say. But he had been a boy who had lost everyone. And he had been the innocent, bookish boy Damen never met. It would have been easy to convince him this was love.

  
“At some point, I was too old. Like Aimeric. He stopped calling me to his rooms. That was when things. Changed between us.”

  
It wasn’t, Damen knew. The Regent had been manipulating Laurent in the most twisted of ways, since the start. Lauren had told him this. _When this game began, I was... younger._ The Regent had simply changed tactics.

  
Laurent let out a shaky breath. He had waited a long time to lay this card on the table. “I’ve never told anyone that. I don’t. Plan to speak of it again.”

  
“Alright,” Damen said, as simply as before. “It doesn’t change anything between us, if that’s what you’re afraid of. It simply... If he wasn’t already dead, I would kill him.” He felt that knowledge in his chest, as he tried to rein his anger in. It wasn’t what Laurent needed.

  
“You would, wouldn’t you?” Laurent laughed without humor. “My honorable barbarian.” He didn’t say it, but Damen could tell he was relieved.  
“I love you,” Damen said. It felt like the right thing to say.

  
“There’s a reason I’m telling you this.” Laurent swallowed. “He’s my blood. What happened was... I cannot forget it.” He squeezed Damen’s hand hard again, like he was forcing himself to say this. “I told you once my line ends with me.”

  
He had, and Damen hadn’t pushed it. There would be time to speak of heirs. He knew Laurent was pragmatic. He had given him over to the Vaskian tribe. He would allow Damen a mistress, if that was what was required.

  
“I didn’t want to... Pass on. This.” _Whatever taint exists in my family,_ he had said, _Auguste was free of it._ “But I am your husband. We have a kingdom. And I find myself... thinking about children.” His gaze flickered to Damen’s again. “They might look like my brother.”

  
“They might,” Damen said, softly. This wasn’t where he had expected the conversation to go. He had never let himself dream of it for long — a child, his and Laurent’s. A child of both kingdoms, the line of Aleron and the line of Theomedes. He didn’t want to break the spell.

  
“This is why. I had to tell you. Myself, not through my uncle. Because I wanted you to. To know. Before you trust me to bring you an heir.”  
To bring you an heir. Damen’s vision blurred, the way it did sometimes when happiness knocked him right in the chest. It was strange, mixed with the sadness at what he had just heard.

  
“Laurent.” He moved, then, because he could not stop himself, pulling Laurent into his arms, tugging him close. “Thank you for telling me,” he said, softer now. “I love you. Is it... a bit lighter now?”

  
In his arms, Laurent touched his own chest. “Yes,” he said, like he was surprised.

  
“Then I’m glad,” Damen said. “I didn’t know you wanted children.”

  
“I thought I didn’t. But I... I find myself wanting to. To give a child what I did not have,” Laurent said. “To teach them your fairness, your kindness. I could teach them to read.” You could teach them honor. You could teach them to look after those more vulnerable than themselves, to lift their chin at a challenge. He didn’t say any of it, for fear of interrupting. “I have thought about this a long time. I thought it a passing whim.” He smiled, a bit. “That is what I first thought about you, too.”

  
“And now?”

  
“Now, I feel as if. It’s time to stop denying myself the things I want because of the past.” He rested his head against Damen’s chest, letting the admission hang in the air. “Nikandros planted the idea,” Laurent said, and Damen could feel him grinning, “He told me how you dote on the palace children. How you had wanted them. I remember... How you felt, when you thought Jokaste’s son your own.”

  
“I would love nothing more than a child with you,” Damen said, for the first time. “The past doesn’t matter. Your blood is noble. I love you.”

  
“I love you, too,” Laurent said. He looked up at Damen, his tone regaining some of its usual arrogance. “I will not be some maiden, locked away. I will retain all my duties in the court.”

  
“Of course,” Damen said. “We would both care for the child. And we’ll have a wet nurse, and tutors. You will still be king.” It was probably what Laurent had expected him to say. He couldn’t imagine wasting Laurent’s talents on child rearing.

  
“We will not raise this child as our fathers raised their heirs. They will be free to do as they please.”

  
This child. Suddenly, an image was forming to Damen’s mind. His dark skin and Laurent’s blue eyes. Maybe their child would like books and horses, like Laurent, or maybe they would spend their days tumbling in the dirt — a son or a daughter, it wouldn’t matter. Maybe they wouldn’t take after either father, having a completely separate affinity. Maybe they would love music, or sit in Laurent’s lap and rave about the types of plants and trees and animals.

  
“Of course,” he said, when he came back to himself.

  
“Alright,” Laurent said, copying Damen’s tone from earlier. “Then it is done.”

**Author's Note:**

> Canon references in this story:  
> Kings Rising, Ch. 12: “More than skin was exposed.  
> Laurent said, ‘I know who you are. I know who you are. Damianos.’” 
> 
> Kings Rising, Ch. 13: “When you lost your brother, was there someone to comfort you?’  
> ‘Yes,’ said Laurent. ‘In a way.’  
> ‘Then I’m glad,’ said Damen. ‘I’m glad you weren’t alone.’” 
> 
> Kings Rising, Ch. 16: “‘He has knelt for me.’  
> The Regent said it in a calm, matter-of-fact voice, so that it didn’t penetrate at first. It was just a collection of words. Even when Damen turned, to see crimson on Laurent’s cheeks like a stain. And then the meaning of those words began forcing out all other thought.” 
> 
> Prince’s Gambit, Ch. 15: “‘I don’t understand how your uncle has you backed this far into a corner. You can outplay him. I’ve seen you do it.’  
> Laurent said, ‘Maybe it seems that I can outplay him now. But when this game began I was . . . younger.’”
> 
> Prince’s Gambit, Ch. 14: “‘What Govart said about my brother and I . . . it wasn’t true.’  
> ‘I never thought it was,’ said Damen, uneasily.  
> ‘I mean that whatever . . . whatever taint exists in my family, Auguste was free of it.’” 
> 
> King’s Rising, Ch. 15: “‘No. I’m the last. My line ends with me.’  
> Damen turned, to find Laurent was not looking back at him, but also had his eyes on some point in the dim light. Laurent’s voice was quiet. ‘I have never said that to anyone before.’”


End file.
